Daily Dumbass: Jarrod Saltalamacchia

Jarrod Saltalamacchia is a highly touted catching prospect in the Texas Rangers system. You can’t even really call him a prospect anymore, as he has over 200 games of Major League experience. He is currently down at the Rangers AAA affiliate, where he is absolutely raking. In 18 games, he’s hitting .343 with 3 homers and 9 RBI. Meanwhile, the Rangers starting catcher is currently hitting .209. So why is Salty still in the minors you might ask?

Well, the answer has to do with stats… just not the ones listed above. The stat the Rangers are most concerned about is 12, which is the number of times Salty failed to hit the pitcher’s glove on the throw back to the mound last game alone! 12 times his throw either ended up in center field or bounced short of the mound. 12!!!

This has to be some sort of mental problem, in which case Salty is clearly fucked three ways towards the weekend. How can you possibly be that bad at throwing the ball back to the mound? It’s essentially just playing catch. 8 year old kids play catch in their backyard all the time. It’s not that difficult. Salty better get his shit together, not only because it’s going to cost him money, but also because he looks like a damn fool out there behind the plate. What an embarrassment.

Daily Dumbass: Everyone Involved in the Portsmouth Bomb Scare

PORTSMOUTH, N.H. (AP) — The passenger at the center of a daylong bomb scare on a Greyhound bus in Portsmouth, N.H., was a foreign national who was too scared to get off the bus, a person with knowledge of the investigation told The Associated Press on Friday. The person said the bomb scare was sparked by another passenger who called 911 believing a non-English-speaking rider had mentioned a bomb.

The 911 call around 11:15 a.m. Thursday prompted authorities to evacuate buildings and streets and to surround the bus with a bomb squad and sharpshooters. The other 16 passengers and the driver got off safely, but the non-English-speaking man refused to leave until about 8:40 p.m.

He emerged from the bus shirtless and in camouflage pants, with his hands held high over his head. He then went to his knees before soon getting up and appearing to follow orders from police to walk away from the bus.

He was taken into custody and was being questioned, but the case is not terrorism-related, Portsmouth Police Chief David Ferland. U.S. Attorney John Kacavas said the passenger was from Africa.

The person familiar with the investigation said the passenger is unlikely to face criminal charges. No explosives were found on the bus, which began its trip in Bangor, Maine, made a scheduled stop in Portsmouth and was en route to Boston and then New York.

Every single person involved in yesterday’s “bomb scare” in Portsmouth… complete dumbass. Really, every single person. Let’s start with the guy who called in the bomb threat. Talk about an overreaction. Guy calls 911 because he thought he might have heard a man –who can’t speak English! – mention the word “bomb.” This sets off a chain reaction, which results in everyone short of the U.S. Marines and United Nations getting called in to resolve the situation. Once the police, bomb squad, and snipers arrive on the scene, it takes them 9 hours to figure out the guy can’t speak English! Sure, the authorities followed protocol to keep people safe and diffuse the situation, blah, blah, blah. But 9 fucking hours! Are you for real? And obviously, we can’t forget about “the suspect.” Why stay on the bus for so long, after everyone else got off hours ago? Baffling. The Portsmouth Bomb Scare may take the crown as our biggest Daily Dumbass yet, due to the nature of so much collective stupidity.

Daily Dumbass: Lindsay Lohan

With the news that Lindsay Lohan has violated her terms of probation and will be heading to court next month to please her case, she has officially reached "Daily Dumbass" status here at F2DD. Not that she didn't already reach that when she looks like this:

And she used to look like this:

I think we've made our case.

Daily Dumbass: Dan Boyle

Last night, the San Jose Sharks couldn’t seem to get the puck past Colorado Avalanche goalie Craig Anderson, who made an incredible 51 saves. The game went scoreless into overtime, until Sharks defenseman Dan Boyle decided he’d had enough trying to get the puck past Anderson, so he ripped a sweet bankhander past Evgeni Nabokov into his own net. Game over, Sharks lose the game 1-0 and trail in the series 2-1. Top seeded San Jose is now in danger of losing to the 8th seed in back to back years. Talk about choke artists. Dan Boyle, you truly are a dumbass.

Daily Dumbass, Honorable Mention: Brian Davis

Davis gave up his first career PGA tour win (and cost himself $400,000) when he called a penalty on himself during a playoff in Sunday’s Verizon Heritage tournament. He hit a piece of grass on his backswing, which is apparently a two-stroke penalty. Go figure. Davis easily could have gotten away with it. No one else noticed, but Davis said “I could not have lived with myself.” Got to give him props for his honesty I guess, but $400,000 certainly would have been enough to buy my conscience.

Daily Dumbass: Raaaaa-Sheed Wallace

"Ball don't lie, huh Sheed?"

How Impressive Is This?

CBSNewsOnline — April 13, 2010 — "CBS News RAW": A 46-year-old trucker from Gillete, Wyoming has set a Guinness Book record for most body piercings in a single setting with 1,200 piercings in four hours.

Sorry for the quality of the video, I know the commentary goes in out, but it's the best I could find. Anyway, enough of that. How crazy is this guy? 1200 piercings in one sitting? I know a lot of chicks dig tattoos and piercings, but I mean there's no way they can dig this, or can they?

Anyway, is this even all that impressive? In my opinion, it has to be one of the stupidest things a human being has ever decided to do. Let's stick 1200 metal needles through the fat of my skin and call it a world record. Please, I can come up with 1200 things off the top of my head that would be impressive than that, starting out with um, getting rid of those piercings on your face?

Nice try, F2DD thinks if it wasn't for Shaq you'd be the Daily Dumbass today.

PS- 5 stars if this is worth a spot in the guiness book of world records or 1 star if you hope this guy died while getting the piercings for being a clown

Daily Dumbasses: Girls Trying To Playing Basketball

This is exactly why girls should never even bother playing basketball. Chicks like this will never make it to big stage of the WNBA and chicks that do make it would tower over me and snap my dick in two. I could live with a broken dick, but I couldn't live knowing my 6'8" wife can't dunk on a 10' hoop. Sorry ladies, but for a man's sake, idolize Giada de Laurentiis and not Candace Parker.

Daily Dumbass: VP Joe Biden Drops the F-Bomb on Live TV

Where do the most powerful men in the world continue to find these incompetent jackasses to be their second-in-command? We just got through the Dick Cheney era, an era in which our vice president shot a friend on a hunting trip, because he apparently couldn’t tell a 78-year old man from a quail.

Speaking of quails, let’s not forget Dan Quayle, the vice president for George H.W. Bush, who is clearly not smarter than a 5th grader. At a 1992 spelling bee in New Jersey, an elementary school kid schooled Quayle on the correct spelling of the word ‘potato,’ which is, in fact, not spelled ‘p-o-t-a-t-o-e.’ The guy was known to botch a quote or two as well.

And now, we have Joe Biden dropping the F bomb on live TV. First of all, was it really necessary to tell the President that the signing of the health care bill was “a big fucking deal?” I’m sure Obama was aware of that. Second, how can a person be dumb enough to drop the F bomb in front of the national media with a huge microphone just inches away from his face? Wake up, Mr. Biden. Welcome to the 21st century, where we have the technology to amplify sound.

Daily Dumbass: Erin Andrew's Stalker Gon' Be Chillin' Wit' Lil Weezy

Posted Mar 15th 2010 5:30PM by TMZ Staff

"Erin Andrews' stalker, Michael David Barrett, was just sentenced to 30 months in prison.

Barrett -- who pled guilty in December to one count of interstate stalking -- has until noon on May 3 to turn himself in. Barrett also has to stay 100 yards away from Erin and her family at all times.

Barrett was accused of secretly videotaping Andrews while she was naked in multiple hotel rooms.

During a news conference after the hearing, Erin said she wished Barrett was sentenced to more time behind bars. She also said she considers Barrett a sexual predator."

I have to give this guy a pat on the back for taking one for the team.  It takes a real man to peep on Erin Andrews and release the footage to the world.  Since Andrew's hit the ESPN scene in '04, every man in this milky way had been dying to take get some of that Erin Andrew's eye candy.  Fortunately for us, Michael Barrett made halloween come early for all us adult trick-or-treaters.  Unfortunately for Mr. Barrett, he gets to spend his next three halloween's in the pen getting butt rocked by all the convicts dreaming about the video that Barrett himself leaked.  Tough circle of life huh?

What I don't understand is how Barrett gets 2 1/2 years for snappin' some nakey pics of one of the country's hottest sportscasters, while Lil Wayne gets only 8-12 months for possessing an arsenal of illegal gats.  Regardless, it's not my problem, so I'll continue to blog about how hot Erin is naked, while Barrett gets his fair share of "dropping the soap treatment"...

Thanks for your services Michael.

Daily Dumbass: Guy Hits Face On Basketball Rim

This quite possibly could be one of the craziest/funniest things I have ever seen. I mean, how many times have you seen a guy jump off a trampoline and dunked and thought, "wow I wonder if anyone has ever hit their head on the rim."

Well there you go. What a dumb ass.

Daily Dumbass: Jake Pavelka

BREAKING NEWS: Jake Pavelka Is Blind

VS.

Dibs Tenley!