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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Maryland Man Proves There Is A Little Captain In All Of Us


LA PLATA, Md. - The Charles County sheriff's office said a man called 911 and made up a story about being robbed so that he could get a ride home. Authorities said they were called to Hawthorne Road near Manor Drive in Ripley for a reported armed robbery on Thursday. The man told officers that he had been walking on Route 225 when a car stopped and someone put a gun to his head and demanded money. The man claimed to have complied and the suspects fled.

But as officers searched the area and noticed inconsistencies in his account, the man admitted fabricating the robbery story because he wanted a ride home. He said his cell phone was out of minutes and 911 was the only number he could still call.

Officials say charges against the man are pending.


There are just too many aspects of this story missing in order to evaluate it properly -- (Was the guy drunk? How far from home was he? Did he actually get a ride home?) -- but I'll give it a try anyway.

I'm just going to assume the guy was drunk. He had to be, right? If not, the guy is just a complete idiot. I mean, it’s a creative idea, calling 911 to get a ride home, but at what cost? He may have gotten a ride, but not without a quick detour to the police station first. He’s clearly going to get charged with something, and probably hit with a decent sized fine, making it a very expensive cab ride.

And why not try hitchhiking? At the very least, you could try flagging someone down to borrow a cell phone. Or just walk, you lazy piece of shit.


(I know the Captain Morgan video is a little bit of a stretch, but you get the idea.)